I remember my councillor saying to me “When those feelings come, let them come. They won’t last forever.”
It was almost as if I had a fear that if I allowed these overwhelming waves of uncomfortable feelings to surface that I would be drowned by them...but to be honest, that’s exactly what I thought would happen.
You know there was a time recorded in the bible where the disciples faced a raging sea. The storm arose and the waves broke over the boat. I always find it interesting that in Mark's gospel, he talks about how when they left the shore that day “That there were other ships with them.” Those other ships experienced the same storm, the same waves, but Jesus was not present in them. Yet here I am finding myself time after time again completely overwhelmed even though Jesus is in my boat.
Maybe that’s where you find yourself today, in the midst of this epidemic, afraid and the waves around you seem completely overwhelming?
So what happened? In the moment when the waves rose up the disciples panicked and became afraid. Of course they did! The disciples had reached a point where they needed help, they could not rely on their own ability. But they had Jesus in their boat, and so when they eventually called on Him He spoke to the waves and they were quiet. I can’t tell you how many times I have waited until I get to the end of my own ability to cope before I’ve thought to bring it all to Him. I wish I would learn the lesson to do it sooner, knowing that the voice that calmed the sea can call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.
For me, the most threatening waves are always internal. They have been words I can’t formulate or don’t have the opportunity to speak, feelings of inadequacy and failure and the frustration of not being able to “fix” circumstances. But worst of all, is the wave of feeling nothing. When you lose your ability to find happiness in anything. This wave can last hours, days or even months.
There was a time in my life when the waves and weight of grief, extreme complications within the family and pressures in work felt like they kept all hitting me at once and seemed so much more than I could cope with. My anxiety was at an all time high. So much so that I would have found myself being physically sick as a result of suppressing waves of emotion. The most costly part of it all was continuing with the facade of looking happy and as if I was coping, while actually I was floundering and feeling paralysed. I often hid emotions to protect other people, realising or thinking they wouldn’t know how to cope with me or know what to say if they saw that side of me. I was being battered by waves from every direction, with no strength of my own to swim...yet somehow, I survived. I now know why. In my darkest moments the Lord sent people to walk with me through the storm, to not only encourage and pray for me but to know exactly what it is like to face the waves. Don’t ever underestimate how the Lord can use his children to bring comfort and strength to one another.
Be encouraged! If you’re a child of God, Jesus is in your boat and when the waves begin to overwhelm you, He knows what you need even before you have the thought to ask. He can bring calmness through many different sources, maybe it's a person, your partner, a friend, a councillor, a song of praise, a new opportunity or a word to keep you going.
In the account of Jesus in the boat, He and the disciples had a destination “the other side”, and they were going to get there in spite of the storm… and as a child of God, so are you! What I have found is that the Lord doesn’t lift you out of every storm, and He doesn’t diminish every wave straight away, but He wants us to have faith that he will bring us through. When He does, he is once again proving His faithfulness to us. If He can conquer death, then He can conquer the waves.
I am reminded of a dream the Lord gave me: I was standing on a pier, exposed to the elements. I turned to my right and could see a large wave coming for me, as it approached I remember being terrified but it rose up and over me and I wasn't touched. I was relieved, but when I turned to my left, I could see that it was coming back, rising up towards me. Again it went over me and I was untouched and unharmed. I woke up and knew it was from the Lord. He was going to save me from something that was coming my way...as it turned out, later that month I faced huge pressure in work and in the midst of the stress I was untouched.
What was the lesson for the disciples that night? Probably the same one He is teaching me… to trust in Him! Waves will come, but as my councillor said-”they won’t last forever.” The most difficult thing I have found has been the choice I make in the wave. The first choice is to look at your own ability to survive. For me, that didn’t exist. Even on my best day I couldn’t calm the sea and when that’s the choice you go with that's when you feel like you’re drowning. But then the 2nd choice is the one I have found calms the storm inside of me. It is to do what the disciples eventually did, and turn to the master of the sea and ask for help.
Jesus said to them “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” We must remember what it says in Psalm 89:9 “You rule the raging of the sea; When its waves rise, You still them” (NKJV). My strength comes from the Lord, so no matter what waves I am facing, though I may feel overwhelmed, I know they will not last forever and I will not be overcome.
It Is Well - Kristene DiMarco | You Make Me Brave
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